I remember the day my idea of being an intentional parent wasn’t working for my kids.
We were walking down to the river to look for tadpoles, and the boys were kitted with notebooks, nets, and jars. It was a beautiful, clear day. I was watching them walk down the road ahead of me, silhouetted against the mountains, thinking, “This is it. This is what slow parenting is all about.”
Slow parenting is a term that was coined in Carl Honore’s 2008 book, “Under Pressure.” He writes:
"Slow parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be. It means letting things happen rather than jumping in and forcing them. It means accepting that the richest kinds of learning and experience often cannot be measured or neatly packaged on a résumé or CV."
Today I am being awesome at slow parenting, I thought.
But just like that my mind started racing again: I should chat with the kids about the life cycle of a frog and its habitat. Did I remember to take the chicken out the freezer this morning? I need to pick up more milk. And why are they walking so slow?
“Come on boys, let’s go!”
When we finally made it to the river, the kids went exploring. I sat in the sun, watching as they traversed rocks, investigated critters, and immersed themselves in the moment.
Ah, yes, that’s right, this is slow parenting…
And again, just as quickly, I thought: “Wait, I should call them over to talk about frogs,”
Right when I was about to yell for them, it dawned on me: I was about to interrupt their childlike exploration to teach them a lesson so that I could feel like I’ve crossed something off my to-do list.
That’s not very slow parenting of me. And it certainly wouldn’t have been the first time I did it.
I held my tongue and let them have their moment.
Eventually, they rushed over to me, pockets full of crab claws and special stones, each one reverently presented to me with a detailed description of where they found it and why they chose it.
Caitlin Van Wyk
Our day at the river was free of formal lessons and rushed moments. Instead, they learned and enjoyed each other’s company, and explored nature. And that really IS what slow parenting is all about: leaving space for moments of wonder and connection. Ordinary moments that let our kids learn more about themselves while we get to know them better.
My boys still talk about that day at the river hunting for special stones. That time when they invited me on an adventure, and I stopped what I was doing to join them.
The idea of slow parenting is bandied around in books and articles, but it looks different for each family and perhaps even for each child. I have one child who asks me to be adventurous and brave as we climb cliffs and build forts, while the other values time looking at his latest LEGO creations. For me, slow parenting means being present when I’m with my kids and joining them when they invite me in. But it also means giving them the space and freedom to explore and discover without me hovering or directing them.
Now rather than being an educator, I try to be an observer. I let my kids take the lead, and when they invite me into their amazing little worlds, I go wholeheartedly because it is such a privilege. I have got to know my kids in an entirely new way as I have watched them problem-solve, explore, and dream.
Slowing down with them has shifted my priorities. I’m not as worried about results but the journey of helping them grow and flourish.